ROTTEN TOMATOES: TWILIGHT AND HISTORY'S COOLEST VAMPIRES

So, we come to the vampires of Twilight — a happy, anemic family of glam, superior types who enjoy baseball during thunderstorms but wouldn’t consider getting to first base with a real live girl. A bizarre product of the craze for teenage abstinence, Stephanie Meyer’s Cullen clan — and Edward, as played by Brit pin-up Robert Pattinson — are the boy band of the undead, the vampires you wouldn’t mind dating your teenage daughter. Just as audiences in the ’10s secretly preferred the vamps over the good girls, I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that the equally good-looking, but totally amoral bad vampires of Twilight figure more heavily in the fans’ troubling dreams.