TA TALKS BACK: A TWILIGHT REALITY - NO SUCH THING?
TA forum member Drives like a Cullenhas written a piece about our perfection fantasy due to reading Twilight.
I’ve been spending a lot of time on the forum boards the past few weeks trying to get a sense of what everyone else loves about the saga that has me engrossed. I have to admit that the chance at immortality has me somewhat enamored, but I will leave that for another time.So far, I have heard a number of different reasons for their adulation; Edward is soulful; Jacob is warm and comforting; Bella is easily relatable. I agree with all of these, but I can’t help but wonder if the triangle is really as cut and dry as people seem to think. There are a lot of Team Edward and Team Jacob icons running around. I try to be Team Switzerland as much as possible, but being a single woman with romantic baggage, I have to say that while I long for an Edward, I find comfort in a Jacob.
How many of us have had boyfriends/lovers/husbands that we lusted for and obsessed over, only to have them disappoint, hurt, or even destroy us? Are obsessive relationships, such as that of Edward and Bella, healthy in our real world, one where the Cullens only exist in our hearts and our imaginations? Would Bella have been just as happy, if not more so, if she had kissed Jacob that day before the phone rang?
In my world, a world where men rarely respect a woman enough to open a door for her, let alone fight for her soul, it seems that the easiest and best choice for a long, happy, and fulfilled life, is to find a Jacob. Perhaps I am just a selfish and cynical person, but I have yet to find someone that can love me in the way that Edward and Bella love each other. An undying passion that doesn’t just border on obsession, it surpasses it. I have also yet to find someone that I can love in that way and continue to be myself. I think that is one of Jacob’s biggest pulls. Bella can absolutely be herself with him. She doesn’t have to change to fit into his world.
Keep in mind that, from a reality standpoint, I’d most likely try to end up with a Jacob. However, from a hormonal human standpoint, I still drool over Edward. What do you fellow TA’ers think? Right track? Jumped the tracks? I’d love to know!
What do you think? Talk back to us….
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I agree mostly. I have heard from fellow Twihards that they love that Bella simply has a choice. That truly whomever she were to chose, would truly protect and love her forever. (Granted, Jacob could love her until he imprinted on someone else). But, what my fellow married w/ kids early 30 somethings agree upon is that we just love that two “perfect” beings in love with you and you can now chose.
Who would love that ?
The flame that burns brightest will burn out the fastest–or something like that.
I’ve had that obsessive crazy love and Edward is right when he equates it to a drug. In a relationship like that it is also unusual that both are burning equally. One or the other ends up giving far more of themselves.
So, a steadfast Jacob would be the smarter choice. But in love, when do we make the smarter choice? What’s that line from William Shakespeare? “Love and reason keep little company together.”
well said bizzimommab!
Hmm. I can agree that an obsessive crazy love, in reality, tends to fizzle. Passion and intensity require alot of work to maintain after a length of time. However, in the long run, some of that is replaced by a mutual respect for one another and a desire to face whatever may come along, together. Could it ever be as perfect as Edward and Bella? Highly doubtful. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that a reasonable facsimile doesn’t exist and isn’t worth finding.
So, would I cling to a seemingly unrealistic ideal in trying to find an ‘Edward’? To a certain extent, I believe I would. I would rather expect the world than settle for something that, no matter what, would never truly make me happy. Mr. Right is out there somewhere, why settle for Mr. In The Right Place at the Right Time?
This is thought provoking, to be sure. Bear with me here - I have a point that leads to the whole Edward/Bella/Jacob scenario, it just takes me a second to get there…
I think I have what might be a very unpopularly realistic view of “real world” love. When you fall in love, it’s a feeling. It’s physical (regardless of how physical the relationship actually is, as we see with Bella and Edward), it’s all-consuming, and it’s fraught with emotion. When you make a commitment to that person - decide to love them forever - then that is real love. Here’s what the truth (in my humble opinion) about love is: it is a decision. It’s a choice you make. There is reason associated with lasting love. The feelings can (and really should) still be there, but it isn’t an emotionally-fraught thing. It’s a conscious choice. Those “in love” feelings come and go over the course of the years, but the true love - the deep commitment - is always there, allowing your relationship to grow and change.
For example, I always - every second of every day - love my husband. Do I always feel all of those gushy Edward/Bella feelings when I see him? No. Sometimes I’m just thinking, “When you take the trash out, could you PLEASE - just ONE time - put a BAG back in the CAN???”
Most of us have Jacob and Bella love. It’s intense, it’s ever-changing, it’s flawed (deeply, deeply flawed…) - it’s human. That’s the allure here of Edward and Bella. They symbolize the “glory of first love”, but it lasts eternally. Nobody can keep up with that much passion. It’s nice when it starts, and it’s nice when it pops back up along the way (and I assure you that even after 13 years, it still pops up on a fairly regular basis
). But could you really live with the effects of that love - the butterflies, nervousness, looking for the meaning in every glance, worrying about your appearance - every second of the day for your entire existence?
I love the escape of the Bella and Edward relationship. That’s why I can’t stop reading the stupid thing. But yeah - in real life I, like most people, have a Jacob. And it’s pretty awesome, bagless trashcan and all.
sparkling,
even though I believe what I wrote would be the best course of action for a steadily happy life…I don’t believe it 100% because I, too, am holding out for an Edward…
my mother asks me all the time when I’m going to settle down and give her grandchildren (I’m 27)…and I told her that I’m only doing the marriage thing once, if at all, so I better be damn sure I’m IN love and in love hard.
all-consuming love, while dangerous and scarce…feels damn good while it’s going on ;o)
I understand where you are coming from when you say Team Jacob. Bella doesn’t have to change for Jacob. However, she cannot live without Edward. Perhaps Jacob would be beter for Bella, but she needs Edward to survive. From that moment she laid eyes on him, she knew that she would fall in love with Edward. Despite the warnings from Edward that he wouldn’t be a good friend. It hurts Edward to be without Bella and it hurts Bella to be without Edward. The kind of love that they have for each other is so special and so rare even though it’s not in the real world. I guess with a love like that so special, so rare, you have to hold on to it. As I have read with rest of the sequel.. their loves just gets stronger. The story itself is quite addicting. Everyone wishes that they could have an Edward in their lives. Someone with manners who treats you like a lady and forever has your best interest at heart. Someone so passionate as Edward…oh well we can all dream.
This is a good article and definitely worth pondering. I’ve been married to the same man for 20 yrs (4 kids, 3 boys, one girl) and we’ve only ever been with each other. And, I hate to tell you, as much as we love each other, it’s not anything at all like Bella’s and Edward’s relationship. It’s just not reality, IMO, but that’s what makes it such good reading. Reading should take us to a fantasy place, or to another part of the world, or make us think. When you’ve been married as long as I have, you being to realize that love isn’t always that gushing, romantic feeling, or that fluttery feeling you get when you look at that person. It’s little things like finally getting the kids to bed and just talking. It’s him reaching for your hand at the mall, or holding your head for you when you are throwing up in the early stages of pregnancy
. It’s many, many little things. Also, Bella and Edward don’t have the normal worries that couples have, such as, where are we going to live? Do we have enough money to buy that house? or car? will I go to school at night and work full time, or will you work full time while I go to school? This is just my two cents worth, but they don’t face the normal day to day realities that real people face. But, once again, that’s one of the reasons why I love the books, besides the fact that I adore Bella and Alice. Okay, and Emmet and Edward…. 
Alora - you said it. You said what I was trying to say. You hit the nail on the head.
Congratulations on a long, realistic marriage.
I get what you mean. I feel the same way. I have been hurt many time and don’t want to go that route again. You are right about the reality thing.
Ok this article actualyl made me think. Because I’m so strongly team Edward, im not gonna settle for a Jacob. But as far as whats realisitic, and who I think Bella should be with, its Jacob. The only thing I disagree with about your article is when you wrote “but I have yet to find someone that can love me in the way that Edward and Bella love each other. ” Okay I know, I know, a lot of people will disagree but BELLA DOES NOT LOVE EDWARD. THIS IS THE PROBLEM WITH THE TWILIGHT BOOKS. Edward is so completely in love with her, Jacob even is completely in love with her, and because she is an ungrateful B**ch, i can’t say they she returns the favour at all. She is a disgrace to humans. And if she wasn’t fictional, I would kill her. But thats besides the point, as far as your article is considered, the way Jacob feels about her is not only healthier but more realistic. Seeing as I have such Obessive Cullen Disorder that i can’t even fathom a world without them, I do believe Edward Cullen is out there for me. But is obsessive relationships healthy? Not necessarily.
All you Jacob fans are going to get mad (I’m sorry) but I just don’t get it…I have read the books more than once and I am 100% team Edward. It is a fantasy, I don’t believe that love like theirs exists, that is what makes it so exciting. What I don’t get is why everyone likes Jacob. He claims to love Bella but he isn’t really nice to her, he uses guilt, plays games, says terrible things and then apologizes. Sometimes I have to stop reading because he just makes me so mad. When Bella decided that she was in love with Jacob I was so upset. Edward is always nice to her, is kind, protective, he tells her she is free to be with whoever makes her happy. That is real love, if you love someone enough to let them go……….when their happiness is more important than your own……….that is real love to me. Again I apologize to all you Team Jacob girls.
What a great dialogue!! I agree with Amy and Alora. I’m in my 30’s with two beautiful, young children. I’ve been married to a wonderful, handsome man for 11 years. Is he my Edward? Sometimes. Sometimes my Jacob. Am I his romantic ideal? Sometimes, I hope. Sometimes “real” life gets in the way of any romance/passion, even friendship. I’ve shared with him what it is about the story and the characters that appeals to me so much. He kind of gets it. You boys out there should pay attention. In addition to a LOT of other things that go into a marriage/relationship (trust, respect, honestly) you need to be able to talk to your partner about your needs and desires. And NO your needs and desires won’t stop at a certain age or milestone - it only gets harder to get them met. Your “real” life partner isn’t going to fit any mold or fantasy. The story is just that - a romantic fantasy. Edward and Bella will love each other, passionately, eternally, perfectly, and never age. There is no such thing in real life; which makes it that much more beautiful and heartbreaking.
The goods news is ladies, you can have your Edward and your Jacob too if you choose wisely– but not all the time, everyday.
Honestly, I think that emotions tend to override logic.
Though Edward may not be safe for Bella, there is no doubt that both know they are meant for more than a lifetime together. It’s something that’s terribly true and that will be hard for any great guy that comes across Bella’s path. But to make this short…Like they all said..only a VAMPIRE can LOVE you FOREVER.
:P
i think i just get blown away by guys that are self sacrificing. guys that will do what is best for the girl they love. when the temptation to give in to intense personal cravings is challenged with self control and self control wins, that is one powerful man!
i am an older mom of several children, and when i hope for fulfilling relationships for my children, i hope my girls find real men, caring, considerate, sacrificial. and i hope my boys will be that kind of man for their wives. safe haven for everyone.
You are definitely right that Bella can absolutely be herself with Jacob. She doesn’t have to change to fit into his world. Good point!
But I think that is also the most negative part of being with Jacob. Bella changes a lot during her relationship with Edward, and I don`t mean her changing the species. She became a much stronger and better person. I don`t think that that would have been possible with Jacob! Edward and Bella both bring out the best in the other, and that`s why I think that in the long run, their relationship is the healthier one! It means risking your very soul, but what you can gain is worth it!
For me, well I think there is an Edward out there for everyone, the thing is that everyone has a different Edward. My sister is married to someone who is able to be her Edward. Sure their relationship is not exactly like Edward and Bella’s, but it can’t be in reality because you aren’t going to have a relationship with a vampire.
I think that if you take their love and what they would do for each other, they’re both worried about the other person being happy. I’m not saying that marriage should be all sunshine and rainbows, it has it’s ups and downs.
In the book Bella absolutely should be with Edward. Jacob is fine as a friend, can friends fall in love with each other? Sure, but it wasn’t what she had with Edward and if she had kissed him that day the phone rang in New Moon then really it would have been because Bella was settling and that would have been unfair for both Bella and Jacob.
In reality I think a mix of Jacob and Edward. Edward, because it’s nice to know that the person you’re with is going to love you and want what’s best for you. Take care of you, never, ever changing their love. But the ups and downs of the relationship with Jacob is good too, knowing that it’s not going to be perfect but being able to still get along.
So in real life I want both Edward and Jacob, combined.
Right on! Especially, “being a single woman with romantic baggage, I have to say that while I long for an Edward, I find comfort in a Jacob.” But…I don’t think Bella would have been happier with Jacob if she’d committed to him with her whole heart before Edward called her house/Jacob said “Charlie’s at the funeral”/Alice showed up & they sped off to Italy. Instead, I think she would have been making a safer choice for her future, yet I’ve been disappointed in my safer choices in guys just as much as I’ve been in the guys who make my whole body & soul light up like Times Square!
But, I still wholeheartedly agreed - in “a world where men rarely respect a woman enough to open a door for her, let alone fight for her soul, it seems that the easiest and best choice for a long, happy, and fulfilled life, is to find a Jacob.”
However, I’ve dated some quasi-Edwards (the chips to my picante sauce!) that turned out to be quasi-Jacobs (the blanket kept beside the couch for when nights get cold) and vice versa. So, what I take from the saga is that I should never give up the dream of an Edward (ah…obsessive love where separation from each other is physically painful) yet must remain open to a Jacob because men never cease to surprise me!
I love books like Stephanie Meyers Twilight Saga, they can take you out of this world we live in for a couple of days and let us keep the illusion that life doesn’t have to be the way it is. Edward being the perfect ideal mate and Jacob being the perfect ideal friend without all the love triangle of course, but it happens, you can find yourself in love with your boyfriends best friend and all that love triangle stuff can happen.
One thing you can take from the triangle or Bella Edward and Jacob is that love can be strong in different ways, you just got to keep your human emotions in check. And not lie to yourself about love or try to force love, its not something that can be forced there are so many ways to love a person. Selflessness is on of us humans major dilemma and the idea of a man sweeping me of my feet is to hard not to imagine, there is always hope and I would say to never settle for anything more then the love for someone, I do believe it is out there.
There is an Edward or a Jacob out there for all of us, we just have to be realistic about the fact that we are humans, not vampires or shape-shifters but humans and we all have are faults. We can always ponder on the idea of what it would be like to be a myth or legend, and hope that it may be true but to “thee own self be true” Sometime I wonder if life would be different if I was meant to be born in the 1900’s but then I remember that we can’t chose when we are born but only what we want to do with are life.
The life of an amazon vampire sounds so good when we have to deal with everything that is going on with are world, the idea of living forever and not having to worry about money or food or other people, sounds so tempting, and if Vampires and Shape-shifters were real I would start looking to be changed in a heartbeat, but as far as we know its all myths and legends and fiction. And we go on living, looking for love and happiness. And of course being human in all the right and wrong ways.
Wow…I LOVE the dialogue. I am definitely writing more “in-depth” articles for TA!!
You guys are feeding my “heroine” addiction, lol.
Well said el - what I’m hoping to teach my boys too!! Great conversation to have with our boys too!
Ok…so I have to admit at first I was annoyed at the thought that jacob might take bella away from edward, and edward would allow that because he loves her THAT much. But then when he got hurt I started to feel for him- there’s no pain quite like unrequited love.
What edward has for bella and vice versa is beautiful, its the kind of love that awakens the soul (even though edward doesn’t have one).
Its a beautiful story where everyone wins in the end…they all find their soulmates, and let’s face it: that doesn’t happen every day. I would absolutely say edward and bella’s love is far more than obsession. Its the purest deepest love imaginable.
well I’m team jacob.. although edward is sweet and amazing.. I don’t think real men are even like that.. actually my husband didn’t like me asking him why real men aren’t like that.. haha.. but never-the-less, I am team jacob cause I think he’s more fun and playful.. I think things would him would be less serious and less intense and you could just let loose and have more fun with him..
I am a big Jacob supporter for the reasons mentioned, but when I read what Edward says to Bella, it still makes me melt…
I’m not really an Edward supporter because he is a bit too intense I think. Still gorgeous, but very unrealistic.
I loved Jacob and Edward in the book. To me Jacob is sweet like the best friend any girl would want to have and you love them so much, but again as a friend. With Edward its like your insides just explode. Its the best kind of love there is. I have to agree a little obsessive,”i have to know every thought.” and other things.
But we dont need the full blown edward. We need a guy who wants to know how we feel and think and not annoyed to listen and be considerate. We want a guy whos honest about what he wants..and what he feels about us. Sacrafice thier selfishness to make us happy.
The the biggest part is that we are not the ones always getting diasppointed and putting all the work and romance. The truth is hes gonna be a pain every now and then. Arguing will happen..but hes not gonna bail out or stop caring. He wants to make up..and be happy together.
Oh and forever.hes gonna decide that what you have is so amazing that he wants that with you. Things will get tough at times. but your worth it. and marriage shudnt change that.